dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
