a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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