dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
