You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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