Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
