I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
