I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
