just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
