You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
