Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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