If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
