In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
