He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
