i was born a porn star she said
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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