feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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