ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
