So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
