she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
