I never want to see another naked old woman again.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
