I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
