great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
