Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
