I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
