Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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