hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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