wrigley field is MILF paradise
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
