Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
