People in love make me want to vomit
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
