one two three fourrrrnication!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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