rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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