...so i touched it.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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