then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
