i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
