Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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