There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
