I puked a lego.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
