I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
