Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
