The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
