Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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