He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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