if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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