I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
