I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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