just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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