the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
