I accidentally had phone sex last night
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
