he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
