The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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