i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
